说不出的心声

很快，diploma的日子要结束了。。
真的比我想象中快很多，很多。。
日子不知不觉中流逝。。
时间也没为谁而停下。。
从认识，相知，相惜，一直到现在。。
要分离了。。

一年多的日子里，我，成长了不少。。
所遇到的，所错过的，也很多。。
当我们同在一起的回忆。。
一天一天的增加。。
喜怒哀乐，悲欢离合。。
我一直不敢面对的事情。。
终于，要抬头挺胸，勇敢地面对了。。

最后一个月了，在一起住的日子。。
最后一个月了，在一起玩的日子。。
最后一个月了，在一起上课的日子。。
最后一个月了，在一起打闹的日子。。

之后，我们各奔东西，为了未来去打拼。。
想要聚在一起的日子，难啊~

三个月后，我不知道会不会看到我们曾经住过的房间而流泪。。
三个月后，我不知道会不会在学院里看见曾经的我们而难过。。
我们在这里生活中的点点滴滴。。实在太多了。。
没人会喊我卡门了。。
除了你们。。
没人会叫我cartoon face了。。
除了你们。。

to be honest.. im afraid of facing those all by myself..
is not lik as simple as ABC..
being apart is sad.. but i stil have to come bac to face d sadness again..
mayb i will be ok after go penang to have d training..
mayb i will able to tidy up my mood..
mayb i able to control my feelings...
is jz too much of mayb in my life..
and everything is settled whn i bac here..
never try never know...

apart from housemate..
apart from clasmate..
i hope my heart have d energy to accept those..
i hope i can control my tears..
i hope i can smile in front of them and say everything will be alright..
i hope i can smile whn sending them away..
i hope i can smile whn bac here after 3 months...

plz.. let me have d courage.. to face all this..
plz.. let me be brave to accept those truth n facts..

i know i can do it.. but its hurt whn its heal too....
is jz too hurt.......

this is for u..

i dunno how to say this out..
i really dunno how to say this..
is just happen lik dat..
and i jz realise lik dat..
i dare to type it here..
coz i knew dat u wun know n view this blog..

at first..
i jz lik d feel when with u..
not only with u..
and also with laoba they all.
but i jz found dat i feel even comfortable whn wit u all..
mayb im too selfish..
but this is real..
coz i can say whatever i want..
with no boundries..
yes..
im jz a selfish and only care bout myself..
yes.. i do..

then.. we group up to do law assignment..
d video shooting..
is fun..
is really fun to see u n lao ba they all..
willing to sacrifice for the video..
u take alternatives to act a woman character..
is fun to see dat..

then..
is sky trex..
we discuss bout d trip..
we arrange bout d trip..
and sure we enjoy the trip!!
i found dat..
i kinda rely on u whn there..
is not dat im not scared on what..
is dat i saw u in front of me..
i noe u waiting for me..
evnthou im careless..
eventhou im slow..
but u stil take care of mi..
u r such a gentleman..
dats wat i found out thru there..

thn..
on d pre event n event..
on d pre event..
i lik ur look whn u wear formal with a spec..
and of coz...
ur bright smile..
makes ppl feels good..
feel comfortable..
whn we preparing for event..
u tried ur best to offer ur help..
with laoba..
dat make mi very touched..
im happy...
coz got such a nice fren lik u n lao ba..
dat time..
i take u as my brothers..

then..
i went to jb..
stil gt msg wit u..
coz bout d report..
thn.. at night..
i realise dat my inbox full..
is not d first time..
thn i checked n read bac those msg...
i found dat..
mayb..
i lik u...

on d xmas night...
ba send mi msg..
n i jz tell ba bout dat..
w/o any confirmation with myself..
but..
after i say dat out..
i cant slp for whole night..
thn..
i start to lost appetite to eat..
i ask bao bei bout dat..
i jz have to double confirm with myself..
in d end..
i think i really lik u..

on 29 dec 09..
i tell u dat i lik u..
u said..
u enjoy d single n free life now..
im glad..
really glad...
coz i scat dat u might avoid away from mi..
w/o letting mi noe wat happen...
but u didnt..
im happy with dat..

31 dec 09..
we went to countdown..
eventhou sth happen..
but i stil happy..
coz i able to countdown with u..
im glad..
my dreams had come true..
we played..
we had fun..
we enjoyed...
but..
only for d moment..
after back..
i think u avoiding mi..
i wonder is i too sensitive or wat..
or mayb i jz too care bout u but u stil d same as usual..
so..
no matter what..
jz dun care liao..
coz..
u said u wanted to enjoy single n free life..
i also dun wan to create trouble for u..
i dun wan my words and act affect u..
or it really dsnt matter for u..
so..
i jz bac to my life..
dats all..
new year..
new me..
im still d same karman..
u will still my sai ma..
til d end..
our relationship..
is impossible to change..
i jz noe dat..
i jz feel dat..
gudbye.. forever...
xxx