我还以为,怨恨不会在我生命中出现。
就算出现了,也不会有再家人上。
偏偏,这就是出现了,用在家人上了!
恨透了恨透了恨透了!! 我就是恨透了!
我要离开这个地方!这不是我的家!
是的,我有父母,不过我没有任何兄弟姐妹!
去他的!谁说巨蟹座是最爱家的?
给我五年的时间,我会离开这里!
我要存够钱,在远远找个住的地方,永远别想要踏进这个家一步!
Friday, October 29, 2010
怨恨
Posted by baka_karman at 11:55 AM 0 comments
Thursday, October 28, 2010
部落格 = 诉苦地带
很久之前,我是因为朋友有开blog,造成我有样学样,自己也开一个来玩玩~
久而久之,贴板上更新日期的差距越来越大,因为我懒惰嘛~
在不久之后,我的部落格成了我的诉苦地带。
这并不是说我没朋友来诉苦,而是那些苦下意识地往自己心内藏。
要说,也不知从何说起。结束?那又是几时的事?
再加上,可能自己本身是巨蟹座的关系,螃蟹壳经过20年的累积变得更厚了,要敲开一层又一层的壳,谈何容易?
很多时候,我都会很兴奋地跟某个朋友分享某件事~
不过事情的发展,总是含糊带过。
这不是没有理由的咯!
因为当我身在那件事时,我很容易冲昏头脑;时间过了,我就会觉得,原来只不过如此啊~
不过,我还是很开心有人跟我分享啦~
有些时候,我就是不知道要找谁分享才好~
身边的朋友都有自己的烦恼,我也不好意思要他们当我的听众,听着我诉苦,并非一件好事~
老实说,就连部落格,我也有懒惰要说的时候。
累积累积下,不知不觉就变成了怨恨。
听着20岁的少女讲自己对个人与事情的怨恨,我相信这并不是很好玩的事。
我的想法永远是对事不对人,因为我相信事情的前因后果都是由个人的态度而造成的。
往往,我自己也有不对的时候,也有失态的时候,也需要别人的提点,我才能走向正确的路。
在自己的人生中,总是想要过的精彩,不要留下任何遗憾。
这些东西,随着成长而变得遥不可及。
见识到现实生活中的弱肉强食,你欺我诈,失去了道德,也逐渐把过去的自己封尘,戴上自以为万无一失的面具,继续在现实中沉沦。
有些事,现在是讲不定的;计划好的,亦不一定会照着走;兜兜转转,原来自己还是站在同一个起点;回头一望,荒废了不少的日子,自己也逐渐老化。难道要一只脚踏进棺材的时候,才留下后悔的泪么?
Posted by baka_karman at 10:30 PM 0 comments
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
糖果人生
有个小女孩买了包裹着酸粉的糖果,刚开始吃时,很兴奋,因为当酸粉在口中被溶化时,她就会尝到不同滋味的甜味。她一直期待,下一个味道会是什么味道。直到隔天傍晚,她吃到厌了,嘴巴内也被酸粉刺激到微微疼痛了。她想了想,为什么我一定要把酸粉吃了才可以吃到那糖果呢?我可以把酸粉洗掉的嘛~!于是,她把全部糖果都倒在碗里,溶掉那些酸粉,然后把糖果一次过吃了。吃了后,她就后悔了。因为没有了酸粉的刺激,糖果显得特别甜,而且,也尝不出是什么味道了。在口腔里的,只剩下淡淡的甜味随之消失~
Posted by baka_karman at 8:00 PM 0 comments
是酱?
最近都为找工作而在想,我,是纯粹要拿工钱,还是那经验为重?
拿工钱的话,在那里做都无所谓,就算是我不喜欢的工作也好,不是我所攻读的专属领域也好,只要地点方便,工钱不错的话,都可以做;
要那经验的话,就要在酒店,餐厅之类的地方工作,薪水就不用考虑,只要那经验就可以了。不过,最大的问题还是交通。不可能要父母每天都为了要载我而烦恼。
==
老天,你放了一个充满工作的转盘在我面前,一切只是由我决定么?真的太感谢了……才怪!
Posted by baka_karman at 1:52 PM 0 comments
Friday, April 30, 2010
再见了,槟城~
回想起刚来的时候,嗯~
有点可怜,有点闷,有点不习惯,有点寂寞……
在工作上,有点小麻烦……
因为还是初学者,所以显得自己很笨似的~
刚开始的每天,靠着跟大家庭的联系,来排除自己的不习惯~
所以,要谢谢你们~
给了我很多的鼓励和关心,让在远方的我有点温暖~
慢慢的,日子久了,开始习惯了,朋友多了,节目也多了~
生活开始有点颜色了~开始精彩了~
每天有各种各样的节目~
看戏,喝茶,走街,爬山,打篮球,游泳,玩游戏,吃美食~
还有很多很多~实在说不完~
每天嘻嘻哈哈地过日子,所以才不觉得日子很难过~
反而有点过得很快呢!
现在,要离开了,好舍不得,好难过~
我们曾来回无数次的那条山路,几时会再走过呢?
我们一起寻找和期待美食之旅的热情,几时会再燃烧呢?
我们一起去看戏和走街的乐趣,几时会再享受呢?
我们一起去打篮球和游泳的欢笑声,几时会再听到呢?
好舍不得,好舍不得,真的好舍不得~
在之前常听到的,天下无不散之宴席,
现在又从新跳回我脑中~
轻轻地安慰着我,乖~要勇敢地面对哦~
朋友们,再见了~
相信我们会再见的~
别忘了,我们要保持联络哦~
再见了,槟城~
我们一定会再见的~ ^^
Posted by baka_karman at 6:26 PM 0 comments
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
考完law了~
今天终于考完了~有点开心,有点担心~
一来,我就可以毕业啦~
可是,担心的是,会过关吗?
算了,不管了~约了一班死党去吃午餐,然后呢~就去唱K了~
好久没听到他们的声音,感觉好想念他们~
最后,就匆匆忙忙地赶回来了~
唉~时间还真的有点不够用咯~现在在美云的店里吃晚餐~
回家收拾东西,明天一早就跟妈妈去吃点心~然后就要回了~
老实说,我爱上了penang的生活,一班志同道合的朋友,一起出去玩,一起工作~
每天面对不同的人,不同的状况,要随机应变,很挑战,也很适合我~
社会总是现实的~
Posted by baka_karman at 10:13 PM 0 comments
Monday, April 12, 2010
给你的 ^^
我答应,我会迈向我的目标,就算我每方面都不能兼顾到很好,但我会尽力去做~
我答应,我不会再说不再见面的话,因为会让你我都很难受~
我答应,我不会放开你的手,除非你厌倦了我那粗糙的双手~
我知道自己太依赖你了~
我知道自己快要被你宠坏了~
我知道我每分每秒都在想你~
我知道自己是幸福的~
不需要花言巧语,只要一句疼你,爱你就行了~
不需要鲜花巧克力,只要有我最爱的lollipop就行了~
我想念和你一起躺在沙滩上的感觉~
我喜欢你唱歌的声音~
我欣赏你自信的笑容和幽默~
我爱上和你度过的每分每秒~
都是你,就是你~
亲亲笨蛋~
^^
Posted by baka_karman at 8:37 PM 0 comments
Sunday, April 4, 2010
have to face it again.. dammit!!
i hate this feelings... d feelings dat have to be apart.. no matter wit him or all d new frenz i meet n know here..
days at here are not terrible as i thought.. it was fun.. it was great!! d greatest this is i met him here.. i think whn i bac.. i wil hv lots of story to tell cloudy they all.. i can share out all my experience here.. and also.. let them know bout him.. my dearest~
i dunno how d days gonna be whn i bac.. i dunno how d relationship gonna maintain after i bac... i think i jz hv to face it day by day... but all i know is i sure will keep in touch wit everyone i know here.. of coz... if i forgetten somebody, plz forgive mi~ >< hahahhahaha~!!!
namo namo namo.... plz plz plzzz~~~~~~
Posted by baka_karman at 1:57 PM 0 comments
要离开了~
昨天去看了我的duty roster,突然察觉到,我剩下两个星期在penang了。
有点吓到咯~再减点废废的日子,赶report的日子,回去考试的日子,应该剩下不到一个星期了吧~
突然有点不知所措,一来,report还没写,二来,要回去resit law paper,三来,我和他的时间就减少了~呜呜呜~我不要~~我可以耍赖吗?可以吗?有权利吗?应该吗?
冷静下来思考后,其实我可以更完美地安排我的时间的。
当然,需要一些小牺牲咯~因为我自认不完美,所以安排的事都会有些小缺点的~
好了,既然下定了决心,就要去实行了~
亲爱的笨蛋,你会支持我吗?
Posted by baka_karman at 1:38 PM 0 comments
Friday, March 26, 2010
is getting FUN!!
days in hsk~ ><
for d past week.. i was assigned to room attendent... is kinda fun.. get to follow akak to make up d room.. and get to know new stuffs~^^
but.. nt everyday fun la.. jz gt once i followed a not-really-good akak.. hais.. sien lo.. make mi die gao gao.. do room slow.. forget this n dat.. dammit!!!! i wonder is she really a permanent staff~
for d whole week i unable to get my off day coz of some proble,.. so.. i get my off day on tue.. ^^ but i gave a great day!! hehehehheee~~ no pain no gain.. no sacrifices no fun~!!
thn.. 2day is d 2nd day i do my turndown service.. huiyo.. d time pass very slow man... slow lik hell.. =.= i keep on looking at my watch~ =.= jz wondering... y d time can pass so slow d ar....??
anyway.. i also get to know to do some paper work bout d eq n inventories~ thn.. 2day is in d amenity center~ eat lots of choco n fruits~ ^^ i guess i wil die fat ler~ >< all sweet sweet s stuff.. but i jz cant resist them~~~ =^o^=
i think d next wil be a great day for mi too~ hopefully ba~ ^^ hahahahha~ everyday is a good day~ everyday is a happy day~ ^o^ Penang life BANZAI~!!!!!
Posted by baka_karman at 4:14 AM 0 comments
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
在槟城的日子~
快满两个月啦~
想说,在这里的日子越来越精彩了~
跟这里的朋友越来越熟了,也混得很好~
每天都过得很快乐,都是因为你们的存在~
除了谢谢,我也不知道要说什么,
只有这句。爱你们哦~!
哈哈哈哈哈哈!!
Posted by baka_karman at 11:36 AM 0 comments
Sunday, March 14, 2010
thx a lot!!
so fast.. i had finish 1 1/2 month in smc..
a lot of thing happens.. n gain lots of experience from there..
know lot of ppls.. mixing wil diff ppls.. have lots of memories... ^^
at first.. i wanna finish d days thr fast.. but d days pass by even i din realise it..
days in smc were fun..
is good to be there.. is fun to be there...
thx to mr joseph, nathan, n alias.. is nice to meet u all.. ^^
thx to mr khrisnan, prakash, faurizam n amran.. i learn a lot from u all..
thx to izzy, faiz n kumar.. is fun to know u all..
thx to murshid n d others kitchen n permenant staff.. if glad to know u all..
thx to d senior trainees n jr trainees.. i hv wonderful experience to mix wit u guyz n gals~
mayb im jz a tiny character in ur life but u all make my life wonderful!!
thanx a lot~ ^^
Posted by baka_karman at 11:07 PM 0 comments
Saturday, March 6, 2010
失去自我的那一段时间
前阵子,自己不知道为了什么原因,变得很失落,做什么事也提不起精神来~
是厌倦了吧?我自己想。。
是想家了吧?我很怀疑。。
要不然呢?是什么呢??
在整理自己的思绪时,好像察觉到自己的问题了。。
一开始,是对工作的厌倦,因为每天都重复着同样的事情,虽然说面对不同的客人,不过还是有点倦了~
然后,自己就想逃避了,想回到自己的避风港。不过,却有心无力啊~
回想起来,逃避,也并非是件好事。
自己在自立学习面对这些问题,也是一的考验!
冷静下来后,再慢慢地把一件一件问题,慢慢地解决,看来是蛮困难的,解决了后,却察觉到问题一直存在在我身上~晕啊~!!
看来,有些事情是轻松的,只不过我把它们看得太复杂了。
简单来说,自寻麻烦啊!!
Posted by baka_karman at 6:50 PM 0 comments
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
小小感言
来了这里第四个礼拜了,一切,就如我想象中的。。不简单啊!
来了这里,人,复杂了。就连我自己,好像也在变,又好像没有~
还是不习惯跟他们相处的方式,可能是我多心了吧~
有时候,真的觉得他们的世界,我进不了。
最后,还是乖乖的跟着自己的步伐走~
工作,可以是辛苦的,可以是愉快的,只是靠我自己来判断。
还好,遇到了不少的好人,也见识了一些人性中黑暗的一面。
不管如何,都让我成长了~
不管是好是坏,自己加油吧~
Posted by baka_karman at 4:44 AM 0 comments
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
说不出的心声
很快,diploma的日子要结束了。。
真的比我想象中快很多,很多。。
日子不知不觉中流逝。。
时间也没为谁而停下。。
从认识,相知,相惜,一直到现在。。
要分离了。。
一年多的日子里,我,成长了不少。。
所遇到的,所错过的,也很多。。
当我们同在一起的回忆。。
一天一天的增加。。
喜怒哀乐,悲欢离合。。
我一直不敢面对的事情。。
终于,要抬头挺胸,勇敢地面对了。。
最后一个月了,在一起住的日子。。
最后一个月了,在一起玩的日子。。
最后一个月了,在一起上课的日子。。
最后一个月了,在一起打闹的日子。。
之后,我们各奔东西,为了未来去打拼。。
想要聚在一起的日子,难啊~
三个月后,我不知道会不会看到我们曾经住过的房间而流泪。。
三个月后,我不知道会不会在学院里看见曾经的我们而难过。。
我们在这里生活中的点点滴滴。。实在太多了。。
没人会喊我卡门了。。
除了你们。。
没人会叫我cartoon face了。。
除了你们。。
to be honest.. im afraid of facing those all by myself..
is not lik as simple as ABC..
being apart is sad.. but i stil have to come bac to face d sadness again..
mayb i will be ok after go penang to have d training..
mayb i will able to tidy up my mood..
mayb i able to control my feelings...
is jz too much of mayb in my life..
and everything is settled whn i bac here..
never try never know...
apart from housemate..
apart from clasmate..
i hope my heart have d energy to accept those..
i hope i can control my tears..
i hope i can smile in front of them and say everything will be alright..
i hope i can smile whn sending them away..
i hope i can smile whn bac here after 3 months...
plz.. let me have d courage.. to face all this..
plz.. let me be brave to accept those truth n facts..
i know i can do it.. but its hurt whn its heal too....
is jz too hurt.......
Posted by baka_karman at 1:34 AM 0 comments
Friday, January 1, 2010
this is for u..
i dunno how to say this out..
i really dunno how to say this..
is just happen lik dat..
and i jz realise lik dat..
i dare to type it here..
coz i knew dat u wun know n view this blog..
at first..
i jz lik d feel when with u..
not only with u..
and also with laoba they all.
but i jz found dat i feel even comfortable whn wit u all..
mayb im too selfish..
but this is real..
coz i can say whatever i want..
with no boundries..
yes..
im jz a selfish and only care bout myself..
yes.. i do..
then.. we group up to do law assignment..
d video shooting..
is fun..
is really fun to see u n lao ba they all..
willing to sacrifice for the video..
u take alternatives to act a woman character..
is fun to see dat..
then..
is sky trex..
we discuss bout d trip..
we arrange bout d trip..
and sure we enjoy the trip!!
i found dat..
i kinda rely on u whn there..
is not dat im not scared on what..
is dat i saw u in front of me..
i noe u waiting for me..
evnthou im careless..
eventhou im slow..
but u stil take care of mi..
u r such a gentleman..
dats wat i found out thru there..
thn..
on d pre event n event..
on d pre event..
i lik ur look whn u wear formal with a spec..
and of coz...
ur bright smile..
makes ppl feels good..
feel comfortable..
whn we preparing for event..
u tried ur best to offer ur help..
with laoba..
dat make mi very touched..
im happy...
coz got such a nice fren lik u n lao ba..
dat time..
i take u as my brothers..
then..
i went to jb..
stil gt msg wit u..
coz bout d report..
thn.. at night..
i realise dat my inbox full..
is not d first time..
thn i checked n read bac those msg...
i found dat..
mayb..
i lik u...
on d xmas night...
ba send mi msg..
n i jz tell ba bout dat..
w/o any confirmation with myself..
but..
after i say dat out..
i cant slp for whole night..
thn..
i start to lost appetite to eat..
i ask bao bei bout dat..
i jz have to double confirm with myself..
in d end..
i think i really lik u..
on 29 dec 09..
i tell u dat i lik u..
u said..
u enjoy d single n free life now..
im glad..
really glad...
coz i scat dat u might avoid away from mi..
w/o letting mi noe wat happen...
but u didnt..
im happy with dat..
31 dec 09..
we went to countdown..
eventhou sth happen..
but i stil happy..
coz i able to countdown with u..
im glad..
my dreams had come true..
we played..
we had fun..
we enjoyed...
but..
only for d moment..
after back..
i think u avoiding mi..
i wonder is i too sensitive or wat..
or mayb i jz too care bout u but u stil d same as usual..
so..
no matter what..
jz dun care liao..
coz..
u said u wanted to enjoy single n free life..
i also dun wan to create trouble for u..
i dun wan my words and act affect u..
or it really dsnt matter for u..
so..
i jz bac to my life..
dats all..
new year..
new me..
im still d same karman..
u will still my sai ma..
til d end..
our relationship..
is impossible to change..
i jz noe dat..
i jz feel dat..
gudbye.. forever...
xxx
Posted by baka_karman at 11:37 PM 0 comments